Liam has been doing well, his physical therapist is struggling to find things to work on, as he is at a 19 month old skill set (!!) our little man is SO strong : ) he continues to amaze! We are awaiting our speech evaluation and may end up being discharged from physical therapy depending on what happens. Over the weekend, we ended up at the doctors again...for several reasons. First, the husband and I had a little miscommunication and Liam's eye drops were left at daycare so I needed to get more ordered (the doctor on call would not prescribe with a phone call.) Also, I was concerned about Liam's cough- it had gotten worse. However, when I got there it turns out little man had puss building up in his left ear, and the doctor opted to put him on Augmentin to clear up his ear and eyes, the cough I was told would just need to run it's course. Me and my husband had a long talk when I got home, as we expected the ear problems to resolve after Liam got the tubes, and we are concerned about him being on all of these antibiotics (this will be the second round since the tubes alone). Ultimately, we are hoping to get Liam tested for allergies at some point in the near future, as we feel this may be part of the problem. Allergy testing seems to be controversial in babies....so more to come on that topic.
I have been striving really hard to be "present in the moment" this month. I have really been struggling to find a balance between work, keeping up with laundry etc., working out, and spending quality time with my family. I really love blogging because it helps me find this balance. I know this might sound crazy because usually people say social media is part of our distraction.... but when I am able to blog, I feel that I can get everything out, and put the computer away for good! I have removed Facebook from my phone, and this has helped me tons to avoid distractions throughout the day. For right now, I have needed to put my workout goals on the back burner, which really sucks, but since work and family come first that's what happens. When it gets nice out again, the pup and I will be able to get at least 30-45 mins a day outside during my lunch break, and to me that's a great place to start. I cannot say I am in love with my post baby body....but the reality is me and my body have fought some pretty rough battles, so I am just trying to get to a place where I feel healthy, and not focus on the physical aspect so much. I know I want to be strong and healthy for my little boy...and honestly I never had the beach body so many woman aspire to have anyway, so my workout drive is a work in progress. I have some big events coming up, including the March of Dimes in the end of April in which I am preparing to be a team captain, and in the end of May we are gearing up for the Laurens Hope 5K! These will require some organizing and fundraising.... we have been so fortunate to receive all of our blessings, and I want SO badly to give back all that I can to these amazing organizations which have helped us so much, fundraising and giving back will always be a part of my life! Right now being present in the moment means putting the laundry aside and running around the house chasing my little man into a deep belly laugh, and sometimes letting the dishes sit in the sink and taking care of them later at night...even sometimes the next morning (yikes!). I have found steaming vegetables a very healthy, easy way to prepare some side dishes for Liam ahead of time, so I am very happy about this. Even better, he has been loving the butternut squash I steamed! Little man still has been somewhat fussy, but his appetite is a little better. He slept through the night for the first time in over a week last night, and we couldn't have been happier to wake up feeling refreshed this morning!
It's hard to believe, but I think now I am finally able to embrace the happiness of being a mommy....not that I haven't been overjoyed the last year... it is near impossible to explain....Looking back, the last 13 months have been filled with so much pain, anxiety, and stress that it was hard to truly take a deep breath, and "be present in the moment" to enjoy my little man. When I open my arms, and my munchkin comes diving into my chest to hug me, I feel such a deep love, a connection that I don't know what I would do without each and every day.....I am able to look back and instead of becoming paralyzed by these overwhelming negative emotions from his birth injury, I think WOW! this little man came from ME, and he is SO amazing! I no longer feel so much guilt about what happened, I no longer blame myself, become resentful, and go right back to how things went bad.... (and then get stuck on the fact that I should not still be so caught up in it all!) I have come to a peace about it and am now able to wear a genuine smile withOUT the hopeless sigh accompanied right behind.....it is true that I will always wonder what might have happened if different decisions had been made or I had spoken up more, and my hope is that one day these last doubts will eventually disappear...this is not to say I don't have bad days, I don't know if that will ever be the case. For now, I am in love with the place that me and my family are at, all feels right in our hectic, chaotic, amazing world of toddlerhood : )
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