NICU stay

Going into the NICU for the first time I was being pushed in a wheelchair by my husband, I felt so many emotions, excitement, fear, happiness, devastation.....enough emotion to literally make me explode. I remember laying my eyes on him for the first time, knowing that he WAS going to make it, although we didn't know at what capacity yet.....our little miracle looked so beautiful, so peaceful....and so...quiet all at the same time. My heart ached in a way I never knew it could when I looked at him in that NICU isolate, I wanted to badly to know what the future would hold for my new family, and I was just so proud of my son.

The first few nights Liam was in the NICU my husband and I stayed on campus at the Hackerman Patz house, which was comfortable like a hotel. The very first night was the most excruciatingly painful night of my life, breathing hurt....I wondered if I would ever be able to stop taking pain medicine. All I wanted was to be able to be healthy and take care of my baby, HOLD my baby, and mostly...nurse my baby. I wanted to do the NORMAL things a mother does for her child, that she is expected to do for her child....everything was so confusing to me still and answers were not to be expected. When I finally did drift off to sleep I remember we got a call in the middle of the night, my husband jumped up and talked to whomever had called him on the phone. My heart raced as the absolute worst scenarios ran through my head, but I couldn't move my body. I will never take for granted the ability to use "core muscles!" A few minutes later I was filled with joy to find that our baby boy was awakening and over breathing his vent and they needed to take him off the ventilator! We rushed to his bedside, and we got to witness our baby boy taking his first breaths off the ventilator, we were so happy but also upset that he didn't really cry. It was explained to us that he might night just yet, as he was on a lot of medication and still quite groggy. Our gorgeous little miracle had taken another huge step in the right direction, what a true warrior. The following day at the NICU my doctor called me to check on my and Liam, his exact words were, "I cannot believe you are doing so well.....there is someone above watching over you....what you went through you really could have gotten very sick after such an emergent surgery." It was all so surreal, I couldn't even begin to ask myself, how, why ?? By this point in time I had found out that the head cooling machine my son had been placed on was JUST dedicated at some point within the last 24 hours before his birth. At this time I am just going to quickly mention the fact that the equipment that made this treatment possible was DONATED by a foundation, a foundation with an AMAZING story. The story of Lauren's Hope, there will be an entire post dedicated to this at some other time but for now that's all I will write......as hard as it was to accept at the time, I knew Our story was playing out exactly the way God had planned.... going through all this and staying sane required me to put ALOT of FAITH in GOD. As a mom such an unexplainable traumatic delivery caused anger to rage in my heart and soul....but I KNEW I had to put these emotions aside at this time and trust that whatever His plan was.....would work out the way it was supposed to......


For the whole story of our NICU stay, please visit our carepage site via the LVH http://www.carepages.com/carepages/LiamDavidNagy